Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
