omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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