Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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