I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
