So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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