dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
