btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
