Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
