Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
