Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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