my sisters under your porch take her home
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
