i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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