I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
