He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
