I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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