I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
