I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
