You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
