Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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