Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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