ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
