oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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