party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
barbara walters just said penis...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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