I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
