my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
