eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
