i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
