I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
