I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
