Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
