So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
