I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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