I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
did i just pee glitter
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
