I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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