do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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