Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
