Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize