it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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