just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
