U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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