Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
