you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I deserve this hangover.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
