if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
