I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
