the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
