I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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