I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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