My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
