it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
