I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
