I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
