I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
