Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
