So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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