just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
