he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
