she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
