youre lurking in front of me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
