Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
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