The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
