How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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