if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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