I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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