Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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