It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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