My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
