dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
