Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
