You smell like stripper and shame
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize