Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
