I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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