Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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