Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
