It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
