he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
