if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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