i already hear my dad disowning me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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