ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
